Many Bloody Returns Read online

  Many Bloody Returns

  Harris, Charlaine

  Ace Trade (2009)

  Tags: Vampires, Anthologies (multiple authors), horror, Birthdays, Contemporary, General, Fantasy, Fiction, short stories, Occult Supernatural

  Vampiresttt Anthologies (multiple authors)ttt horrorttt Birthdaysttt Contemporaryttt Generalttt Fantasyttt Fictionttt short storiesttt Occult Supernaturalttt

  * * *

  * * *

  ### From Publishers Weekly

  This patchwork anthology of 13 new vampire stories proves that heavyweight contributors can give some substance to a relatively slight theme. Harris (the Sookie Stackhouse novels), Kelner (the Laura Fleming mysteries) and 11 other writers with serious vamp credentials craft stories around the concept of birthdays for bloodsuckers. Most of the tales only blow out candles in passing, as with P.N. Elrod's Grave-Robbed, which mixes pathos and comedy as vampire PI Jack Fleming busts a phony medium mid-séance, and Tanya Huff's Blood Wrapped, in which Henry Fitzroy's search for the ideal gift for a vampire's 40th mixes with his pursuit of a human kidnapper. Christopher Golden takes birthdays to heart in his poignant coming-of-age story, The Mournful Cry of Owls, while Kelley Armstrong proposes in Twilight that a vampire's real birthday is the date of transformation from mortal to immortal. Fans of the many series vampires on parade here will be undeterred by the variable quality of their adventures. _(Sept.)_

  Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

  ### From

  Experienced genre hands ensure the high quality of 13 stories about birthdays and vampires. The opening story uses Charlaine Harris' series star Sookie Stackhouse, who, as the only nonvampire at a Dracula's birthday ball, finds herself on the menu. Dropping by a role-playing party with his brother's present, Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden must deal with deadly party crashers. A pair of vampires tracks down a serial killer in Toni L. P. Kelner's "How Stella Got Her Grave Back." More chillingly, a vampire knows she must kill to live another year but is strangely reluctant in Kelly Armstrong's "Twilight," and in Elaine Viets' humorous "Vampire Hours," a woman deliberately chooses damnation. Murray, Frieda

  Many Bloody Returns

  Harris, Charlaine

  Ace Trade (2009)

  Tags: Vampires, Anthologies (multiple authors), horror, Birthdays, Contemporary, General, Fantasy, Fiction, short stories, Occult Supernatural

  Vampiresttt Anthologies (multiple authors)ttt horrorttt Birthdaysttt Contemporaryttt Generalttt Fantasyttt Fictionttt short storiesttt Occult Supernaturalttt

  * * *

  * * *

  ### From Publishers Weekly

  This patchwork anthology of 13 new vampire stories proves that heavyweight contributors can give some substance to a relatively slight theme. Harris (the Sookie Stackhouse novels), Kelner (the Laura Fleming mysteries) and 11 other writers with serious vamp credentials craft stories around the concept of birthdays for bloodsuckers. Most of the tales only blow out candles in passing, as with P.N. Elrod's Grave-Robbed, which mixes pathos and comedy as vampire PI Jack Fleming busts a phony medium mid-séance, and Tanya Huff's Blood Wrapped, in which Henry Fitzroy's search for the ideal gift for a vampire's 40th mixes with his pursuit of a human kidnapper. Christopher Golden takes birthdays to heart in his poignant coming-of-age story, The Mournful Cry of Owls, while Kelley Armstrong proposes in Twilight that a vampire's real birthday is the date of transformation from mortal to immortal. Fans of the many series vampires on parade here will be undeterred by the variable quality of their adventures. _(Sept.)_

  Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

  ### From

  Experienced genre hands ensure the high quality of 13 stories about birthdays and vampires. The opening story uses Charlaine Harris' series star Sookie Stackhouse, who, as the only nonvampire at a Dracula's birthday ball, finds herself on the menu. Dropping by a role-playing party with his brother's present, Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden must deal with deadly party crashers. A pair of vampires tracks down a serial killer in Toni L. P. Kelner's "How Stella Got Her Grave Back." More chillingly, a vampire knows she must kill to live another year but is strangely reluctant in Kelly Armstrong's "Twilight," and in Elaine Viets' humorous "Vampire Hours," a woman deliberately chooses damnation. Murray, Frieda

  Many Bloody Returns

  Many Bloody Returns

  Edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L. P. Kelner

  ACE BOOKS, NEW YORK

  THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

  Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0745, Auckland, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  This book is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

  These are works of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imaginations or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Collection copyright © 2007 by Charlaine Harris Schulz and Toni L. P. Kelner.

  A complete listing of individual copyrights can be found on page 356. Text design by Kristin del Rosario.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the authors’ rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  ACE and the “A” design are trademarks belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Many bloody returns / edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L. P. Kelner.—1st ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN: 1-4295-4635-2

  1. Vampires—Fiction. I. Harris, Charlaine. II. Kelner, Toni L. P.

  PS648.V35M356 2007

  813'.087308—dc22

  This is dedicated to

  Joss Whedon,

  who may never read it,

  and his enthusiastic fans known as the

  Buffybuds, who will.

  We thank Marty and John at Tekno Books for their inspiration, encouragement, and full-service smoothing of the way; our agents, Joshua Bilmes (Charlaine) and Joan Brandt (Toni); and finally, Ginjer Buchanan at Ace, who agreed this might be a good idea. We also want to thank the authors who contributed their stories to this anthology though they knew their editors were novices. That’s trust for you.

  CONTENTS

  A Few Words

  Charlaine Harris and Toni L. P. Kelner

  Dracula Night

  Charlaine Harris

  The Mournful Cry of Owls

  Christopher Golden

  I Was a Teenage Vampire

  Bill Crid
er

  Twilight

  Kelley Armstrong

  It’s My Birthday, Too

  Jim Butcher

  Grave-Robbed

  P. N. Elrod

  The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

  Rachel Caine

  The Witch and the Wicked

  Jeanne C. Stein

  Blood Wrapped

  Tanya Huff

  The Wish

  Carolyn Haines

  Fire and Ice and Linguini for Two

  Tate Hallaway

  Vampire Hours

  Elaine Viets

  How Stella Got Her Grave Back

  Toni L. P. Kelner

  A Few Words

  When we were approached about editing this anthology, we were like two kids with a new toy. We had some wonderful planning sessions about the theme. We decided to pick two apparently unrelated concepts—vampires (the dead) and birthdays (celebrations of life)—and see what different ways some very talented writers could combine the two.

  After the great fun of drawing up a dream list of contributors and receiving their stories, we had to buckle down to the actual work of editing. We imagined the work would be tedious, or nerve-wracking, or possibly (horrors) boring. But it wasn’t. Every day a new story arrived was like—well, like a birthday.

  It’s amazing what creative minds can do with the same theme. None of these stories are the same. Some of them are funny, and some of them are tragic, but all of them are fascinating. Read and enjoy.

  CHARLAINE HARRIS

  TONI L. P. KELNER

  Dracula Night

  Charlaine Harris

  Charlaine Harris, New York Times bestselling author of the Sookie Stackhouse series, also writes books about Harper Connelly, a lightning-struck corpse locator. Charlaine has won the Anthony, the Sapphire, and two Romantic Times Reviewers’ Choice awards. She lives in a small town in Arkansas with her husband, a duck, three dogs, and three children. Her website is simply www.charlaineharris.com, and she tries real hard to keep it up-to-date.

  I found the invitation in the mailbox at the end of my driveway. I had to lean out of my car window to open it, because I’d paused on my way to work after remembering I hadn’t checked my mail in a couple of days. My mail was never interesting. I might get a flyer for Dollar General or Wal-Mart, or one of those ominous mass mailings about pre-need burial plots.

  Today, after I’d sighed at my Entergy bill and my cable bill, I had a little treat: a handsome, heavy, buff-colored envelope that clearly contained some kind of invitation. It had been addressed by someone who’d not only taken a calligraphy class but passed the final with flying colors.

  I got a little pocketknife out of my glove compartment and slit open the envelope with the care it deserved. I don’t get a lot of invitations, and when I do, they’re usually more Hallmark than watermark. This was something to be savored. I pulled out the stiff folded paper carefully, and opened it. Something fluttered into my lap: an enclosed sheet of tissue. Without absorbing the revealed words, I ran my finger over the embossing. Wow.

  I’d strung out the preliminaries as long as I could. I bent to actually read the italic typeface.

  ERIC NORTHMAN

  AND THE STAFF OF FANGTASIA

  REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE

  AT FANGTASIA’S ANNUAL PARTY

  TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF

  THE LORD OF DARKNESS

  PRINCE DRACULA

  ON FEBRUARY 8, 10:00 P.M.

  MUSIC PROVIDED BY THE DUKE OF DEATH

  DRESS FORMAL RSVP

  I read it twice. Then I read it again.

  I drove to work in such a thoughtful mood that I’m glad there wasn’t any other traffic on Hummingbird Road. I took the left to get to Merlotte’s, but then I almost sailed right past the parking lot. At the last moment, I braked and turned in to navigate my way to the parking area behind the bar that was reserved for employees.

  Sam Merlotte, my boss, was sitting behind his desk when I peeked in to put my purse in the deep drawer in his desk that he let the servers use. He had been running his hands over his hair again, because the tangled red-gold halo was even wilder than usual. He looked up from his tax form and smiled at me.

  “Sookie,” he said, “how are you doing?”

  “Good. Tax season, huh?” I made sure my white T-shirt was tucked in evenly so the “Merlotte’s” embroidered over my left breast would be level. I flicked one of my long blond hairs off my black pants. I always bent over to brush my hair out so my ponytail would look smooth. “You not taking them to the CPA this year?”

  “I figure if I start this early, I can do them myself.”

  He said that every year, and he always ended up making an appointment with the CPA, who always had to file for an extension.

  “Listen, did you get one of these?” I asked, extending the invitation.

  He dropped his pen with some relief and took the sheet from my hand. After scanning the script, he said, “No. They wouldn’t invite many shifters, anyway. Maybe the local packmaster, or some supe who’d done them a significant service…like you.”

  “I’m not supernatural,” I said, surprised. “I just have a…problem.”

  “Telepathy is a lot more than a problem,” Sam said. “Acne is a problem. Shyness is a problem. Reading other peoples’ minds is a gift.”

  “Or a curse,” I said. I went around the desk to toss my purse in the drawer, and Sam stood up. I’m around five foot six, and Sam tops me by maybe three inches. He’s not a big guy, but he’s much stronger than a plain human his size, since Sam’s a shapeshifter.

  “Are you going to go?” he asked. “Halloween and Dracula’s birthday are the only holidays vampires observe, and I understand they can throw quite a party.”

  “I haven’t made up my mind,” I said. “When I’m on my break later, I might call Pam on my cell.” Pam, Eric’s second-in-command, was as close to a friend as I had among the vampires.

  I reached her at Fangtasia pretty soon after the sun went down. “There really was a Count Dracula? I thought he was made up,” I said after telling her I’d gotten the invitation.

  “There really was,” Pam said. “Vlad Tepes. He was a Wallachian king whose capital city was Târgovişte, I think.” Pam was quite matter-of-fact about the existence of a creature I’d thought was a joint creation of Bram Stoker and Hollywood. “Vlad III was more ferocious and bloodthirsty than any vampire, and this was when he was a live human. He enjoyed executing people by impaling them on huge wooden stakes. They might last for hours.”

  I shuddered. Ick.

  “His own people regarded him with fear, of course. But the local vamps admired Vlad so much they actually brought him over when he was dying, thus ushering in the new era of the vampire. After monks buried him on an island called Snagov, he rose on the third night to become the first modern vampire. Up until then, the vampires were like…well, disgusting. Completely secret. Ragged, filthy, living in holes in cemeteries, like animals. But Vlad Dracul had been a ruler, and he wasn’t going to dress in rags and live in a hole for any reason.” Pam sounded proud.

  I tried to imagine Eric wearing rags and living in a hole, but it was almost impossible. “So Stoker didn’t just dream the whole thing up based on folktales?”

  “Just parts of it. Obviously, he didn’t know a lot about what Dracula, as he called him, really could or couldn’t do, but he was so excited at meeting the prince that he made up a lot of details he thought would give the story zing. It was just like Anne Rice meeting Louis: an early Interview with the Vampire. Dracula really wasn’t too happy afterward that Stoker caught him at a weak moment, but he did enjoy the name recognition.”

  “But he won’t actually be there, right? I mean, vampires’ll be celebrating this all over the world.”

  Pam said, very cautiously, “Some believe he shows up somewhere every year, makes a surprise appearance. That chance is so remote, his appearance at our party would be like winning the lottery. Tho
ugh some believe it could happen.”

  I heard Eric’s voice in the background saying, “Pam, who are you talking to?”

  “Okay,” Pam said, the word sounding very American with her slight British accent. “Got to go, Sookie. See you then.”

  As I returned the phone to my purse, Sam said, “Sookie, if you go to the party, please keep alert and on the watch. Sometimes vamps get carried away with the excitement on Dracula Night.”

  “Thanks, Sam,” I said. “I’ll sure be careful.” No matter how many vamps you claimed as friends, you had to be alert. A few years ago the Japanese had invented a synthetic blood that satisfies the vampires’ nutritional requirements, which has enabled the undead to come out of the shadows and take their place at the American table. British vampires had it pretty good, too, and most of the Western European vamps had fared pretty well after the Great Revelation (the day they’d announced their existence, through carefully chosen representatives). However, many South American vamps regretted stepping forward, and the bloodsuckers in the Muslim countries—well, there were mighty few left. Vampires in the inhospitable parts of the world were making efforts to immigrate to countries that tolerated them, with the result that our Congress was considering various bills to limit undead citizens from claiming political asylum. In consequence, we were experiencing an influx of vampires with all kinds of accents as they tried to enter America under the wire. Most of them came in through Louisiana, since it was notably friendly to the Cold Ones, as Fangbanger Xtreme called them.