The Complete Sookie Stackhouse Stories Read online

  ACE BOOKS BY CHARLAINE HARRIS

  The Midnight, Texas, Novels

  MIDNIGHT CROSSROAD

  DAY SHIFT

  NIGHT SHIFT

  The Sookie Stackhouse Novels

  DEAD UNTIL DARK

  LIVING DEAD IN DALLAS

  CLUB DEAD

  DEAD TO THE WORLD

  DEAD AS A DOORNAIL

  DEFINITELY DEAD

  ALL TOGETHER DEAD

  FROM DEAD TO WORSE

  DEAD AND GONE

  DEAD IN THE FAMILY

  DEAD RECKONING

  DEADLOCKED

  DEAD EVER AFTER

  A TOUCH OF DEAD

  AFTER DEAD

  THE COMPLETE SOOKIE STACKHOUSE STORIES

  ACE BOOKS EDITED BY CHARLAINE HARRIS

  THE SOOKIE STACKHOUSE COMPANION

  ACE BOOKS EDITED BY CHARLAINE HARRIS AND TONI L. P. KELNER

  DEAD BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

  ACE ANTHOLOGIES EDITED BY CHARLAINE HARRIS AND TONI L. P. KELNER

  MANY BLOODY RETURNS

  WOLFSBANE AND MISTLETOE

  DEATH’S EXCELLENT VACATION

  HOME IMPROVEMENT: UNDEAD EDITION

  AN APPLE FOR THE CREATURE

  GAMES CREATURES PLAY

  BERKLEY PRIME CRIME BOOKS BY CHARLAINE HARRIS

  The Aurora Teagarden Mysteries

  REAL MURDERS

  A BONE TO PICK

  THREE BEDROOMS, ONE CORPSE

  THE JULIUS HOUSE

  DEAD OVER HEELS

  A FOOL AND HIS HONEY

  LAST SCENE ALIVE

  POPPY DONE TO DEATH

  The Lily Bard Mysteries

  SHAKESPEARE’S LANDLORD

  SHAKESPEARE’S CHAMPION

  SHAKESPEARE’S CHRISTMAS

  SHAKESPEARE’S TROLLOP

  SHAKESPEARE’S COUNSELOR

  The Harper Connelly Mysteries

  GRAVE SIGHT

  GRAVE SURPRISE

  AN ICE COLD GRAVE

  GRAVE SECRET

  SWEET AND DEADLY

  A SECRET RAGE

  BERKLEY PRIME CRIME ANTHOLOGIES EDITED BY CHARLAINE HARRIS

  CRIMES BY MOONLIGHT

  INKLIT GRAPHIC NOVELS BY CHARLAINE HARRIS

  GRAVE SIGHT

  INKLIT GRAPHIC NOVELS BY CHARLAINE HARRIS AND CHRISTOPHER GOLDEN

  CEMETERY GIRL: BOOK ONE: THE PRETENDERS

  CEMETERY GIRL: BOOK TWO: INHERITANCE

  ACE

  Published by Berkley

  An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014

  Collection copyright © 2017 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “Fairy Dust” copyright © 2004 by Charlaine Harris

  “Dracula Night” copyright © 2007 by Charlaine Harris

  “One Word Answer” copyright © 2005 by Charlaine Harris

  “Lucky” copyright © 2008 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “Gift Wrap” copyright © 2008 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “Two Blondes” copyright © 2010 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “Small-Town Wedding” copyright © 2011 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “If I Had a Hammer” copyright © 2011 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “Playing Possum” copyright © 2012 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  “In the Blue Hereafter” copyright © 2014 by Charlaine Harris, Inc.

  Penguin Random House supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin Random House to continue to publish books for every reader.

  ACE is a registered trademark and the A colophon is a trademark of Penguin Random House LLC.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Harris, Charlaine, author.

  Title: The complete Sookie Stackhouse stories / Charlaine Harris.

  Description: First edition. | New York : Ace, 2017.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017024221 | ISBN 9780399587597 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780399587603 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Stackhouse, Sookie (Fictitious character)—Fiction. | Paranormal romance stories. | BISAC: FICTION / Fantasy / Urban Life. | FICTION / Romance / Paranormal. | FICTION / Short Stories (single author). | GSAFD: Fantasy fiction. | Occult fiction. | Mystery fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3558.A6427 A6 2017 | DDC 813/.54—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017024221

  First Edition: November 2017

  “Fairy Dust” was first published in Powers of Detection. “Dracula Night” was first published in Many Bloody Returns. “One Word Answer” was first published in Bite. “Lucky” was first published in Unusual Suspects. “Gift Wrap” was first published in Wolfsbane and Mistletoe. “Two Blondes” was first published in Death’s Excellent Vacation. “Small-Town Wedding” was first published in The Sookie Stackhouse Companion. “If I Had a Hammer” was first published in Home Improvement: Undead Edition. “Playing Possum” was first published in An Apple for the Creature. “In the Blue Hereafter” was first published in Games Creatures Play.

  Cover illustration by Lisa Desimini; floral border © Tolchik/iStockphotos/Thinkstock

  Cover design by Judith Lagerman

  Title page/part opener art: thicket illustration © vectorbomb/Shutterstock

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Version_1

  To Toni L. P. Kelner, a.k.a. Leigh Perry,

  my dream collaborator on our dream anthologies

  CONTENTS

  Books by Charlaine Harris

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Introduction

  Fairy Dust

  Dracula Night

  One Word Answer

  Lucky

  Gift Wrap

  Two Blondes

  Small-Town Wedding

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  If I Had a Hammer

  Playing Possum

  In the Blue Hereafter

  About the Author

  INTRODUCTION

  THIS COLLECTION WAS written over a long period, and each new attempt was a learning experience. I had written very few short stories when I began writing these small pieces about Sookie’s world; by the time I finished, I had written many.

  Another point to note: Most of these stories were written for the anthologies Toni L. P. Kelner (Leigh Perry) and I were producing. The anthologies were a labor of love, and we’ve always felt we had a part in introducing the mystery world to the urban fantasy world . . . and vice versa. All our anthologies are themed. For example, “If I Had a Hammer” is in Home Improvement: Undead Edition. “Playing Possum” is in An Apple for the Creature, a collection of stories about school. (If you ever see one of the anthologies at a bookstore, give it a try. Selecting the stories and editing them was not
only fun but rewarding.)

  This is the first time all the stories featuring Sookie Stackhouse have been gathered into one volume. If you’d like to reread the whole series in order, including these stories, the suggested chronology is on my website.

  Above all, have fun. Some stories were written to let the reader know something important about one of the characters or to move the whole story along. But all of them are intended to provide entertainment for the reader.

  That’s what these are all about.

  Charlaine Harris

  FAIRY DUST

  The triplet fairies—Claudine, Claude, and Claudette—needed a story featuring them and their sleazy (but lucrative) strip club. I felt I had to explain how to kill a fairy, since I had created them as very strong, very powerful, and very long-lived. Something had to be their Kryptonite . . . and I chose something pretty unlikely. Since “Fairy Dust” is also a murder mystery, there was a crime and a solution to be explained—comfortable territory for me.

  “Fairy Dust” takes place after Dead to the World.

  I HATE IT WHEN fairies come into the bar. They don’t tip you worth a toot—not because they’re stingy, but because they just forget. Take Claudine, the fairy who was walking in the door. Six feet tall, long black hair, gorgeous; Claudine seemed to have no shortage of cash or clothing (and she entranced men the way a watermelon draws flies). But Claudine hardly ever remembered to leave you even a dollar. And if it’s lunchtime, you have to take the bowl of lemon slices off the table. Fairies are allergic to lemons and limes, like vamps are allergic to silver and garlic.

  That spring night when Claudine came in I was in a bad mood already. I was angry with my ex-boyfriend, Bill Compton, a.k.a. Vampire Bill; my brother, Jason, had again postponed helping me shift an armoire; and I’d gotten my property tax notice in the mail.

  So when Claudine sat at one of my tables, I stalked over to her with no very happy feelings.

  “No vamps around?” she asked straightaway. “Even Bill?”

  Vamps like fairies the way dogs like bones: great toys, good food. “Not tonight,” I said. “Bill’s down in New Orleans. I’m picking up his mail for him.” Just call me sucker.

  Claudine relaxed. “Dearest Sookie,” she said.

  “You want what?”

  “Oh, one of those nasty beers, I guess,” she said, making a face. Claudine didn’t really like to drink, though she did like bars. Like most fairies, she loved attention and admiration: my boss, Sam, said that was a fairy characteristic.

  I brought her the beer. “You got a minute?” she asked. I frowned. Claudine didn’t look as cheerful as usual.

  “Just.” The table by the door was hooting and hollering at me.

  “I have a job for you.”

  Though it called for dealing with Claudine, whom I liked but didn’t trust, I was interested. I sure needed some cash. “What do you need me to do?”

  “I need you to come listen to some humans.”

  “Are these humans willing?”

  Claudine gave me innocent eyes. “What do you mean, Precious?”

  I hated this song and dance. “Do they want to be, ah, listened to?”

  “They’re guests of my brother, Claude.”

  I hadn’t known Claudine had a brother. I don’t know much about fairies; Claudine was the only one I’d met. If she was typical, I wasn’t sure how the race had survived eradication. I wouldn’t have thought northern Louisiana was very hospitable toward beings of the fairy persuasion, anyway. This part of the state is largely rural, very Bible Belt. My small town of Bon Temps, barely big enough to have its own Wal-Mart, didn’t even see a vampire for two years after they’d announced their existence and their intention to live peaceably amongst us. Maybe that delay was good, since local folks had had a chance to get used to the idea by the time Bill showed up.

  But I had a feeling that this PC vamp tolerance would vanish if my fellow townsfolk knew about Weres, and shifters, and fairies. And who knows what all else.

  “Okay, Claudine. When?”

  The rowdy table was hooting, “Crazy Sookie! Crazy Sookie!” People only did that when they’d had too much to drink. I was used to it, but it still hurt.

  “When do you get off tonight?”

  We fixed it that Claudine would pick me up at my house fifteen minutes after I got off work. She left without finishing her beer. Or tipping.

  My boss, Sam Merlotte, nodded a head toward the door through which she’d just exited. “What’d the fairy want?” Sam’s a shifter himself.

  “She needs me to do a job for her.”

  “Where?”

  “Wherever she lives, I guess. She has a brother, did you know?”

  “Want me to come with you?” Sam is a friend, the kind of friend you sometimes have fantasies about.

  X-rated.

  “Thanks, but I think I can handle Claudine.”

  “You haven’t met the brother.”

  “I’ll be okay.”

  I’m used to being up at night, not only because I’m a barmaid, but also because I had dated Bill for a long time. When Claudine picked me up at my old house in the woods, I’d had time to change from my Merlotte’s outfit into some black jeans and a sage green twinset (JCPenney on sale), since the night was chilly. I’d let my hair down from its ponytail.

  “You should wear blue instead of green,” Claudine said, “to go with your eyes.”

  “Thanks for the fashion tip.”

  “You’re welcome.” Claudine sounded happy to share her style sense with me. But her smile, usually so radiant, seemed tinged with sadness.

  “What do you want me to find out from these people?” I asked.

  “We’ll talk about it when we get there,” she said, and after that she wouldn’t tell me anything else as we drove east. Ordinarily Claudine babbles. I was beginning to feel it wasn’t smart of me to have accepted this job.

  Claudine and her brother lived in a big ranch-style house in suburban Monroe, a town that not only had a Wal-Mart, but a whole mall. She knocked on the front door in a pattern. After a minute, the door opened. My eyes widened. Claudine hadn’t mentioned that her brother was her twin.

  If Claude had put on his sister’s clothes, he could have passed for her; it was eerie. His hair was shorter, but not by a lot; he had it pulled back to the nape of his neck, but his ears were covered. His shoulders were broader, but I couldn’t see a trace of a beard, even this late at night. Maybe male fairies don’t have body hair? Claude looked like a Calvin Klein underwear model; in fact, if the designer had been there, he’d have signed the twins on the spot, and there’d have been drool all over the contract.

  Claude stepped back to let us enter. “This is the one?” he said to Claudine.

  She nodded. “Sookie, my brother, Claude.”

  “A pleasure,” I said. I extended my hand. With some surprise, he took it and shook. He looked at his sister. “She’s a trusting one.”

  “Humans,” Claudine said, and shrugged.

  Claude led me through a very conventional living room, down a paneled hall to the family room. A man was sitting in a chair, because he had no choice. He was tied to it with what looked like nylon cord. He was a small man, buff, blond, and brown-eyed. He looked about my age, twenty-six.

  “Hey,” I said, not liking the squeak in my voice. “Why is that man tied?”

  “Otherwise, he’d run away,” Claude said, surprised.

  I covered my face with my hands for a second. “Listen, you two, I don’t mind looking at this guy if he’s done something wrong, or if you want to eliminate him as a suspect in a crime committed against you. But if you just want to find out if he really loves you, or something silly like that . . . What’s your purpose?”

  “We think he killed our triplet, Claudette.”

  I almost said, “There were t
hree of you?” then realized that wasn’t the most important part of the sentence.

  “You think he murdered your sister.”

  Claudine and Claude nodded in unison. “Tonight,” Claude said.

  “Okeydokey,” I muttered, and bent over the blond. “I’m taking the gag off.”

  They looked unhappy, but I slid the handkerchief down to his neck. The young man said, “I didn’t do it.”

  “Good. Do you know what I am?”

  “No. You’re not a thing like them, are you?”

  I don’t know what he thought Claude and Claudine were, what little otherworldly attribute they’d sprung on him. I lifted my hair to show him that my ears were round, not pointed, but he still looked dissatisfied.

  “Not a vamp?” he asked.

  Showed him my teeth. The canines only extend when vamps are excited by blood, battle, or sex, but they’re noticeably sharp even when they’re retracted. My canines are quite normal.

  “I’m just a regular human,” I said. “Well, that’s not quite true. I can read your thoughts.”

  He looked terrified.

  “What are you scared for? If you didn’t kill anybody, you have nothing to fear.” I made my voice warm, like butter melting on corn on the cob.

  “What will they do to me? What if you make a mistake and tell them I did it? What are they gonna do?”

  Good question. I looked up at the two.

  “We’ll kill him and eat him,” Claudine said, with a ravishing smile. When the blond man looked from her to Claude, his eyes wide with terror, she winked at me.

  For all I knew, Claudine might be serious. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen her eat or not. We were treading on dangerous ground. I try to support my own race when I can. Or at least get ’em out of situations alive.

  I should have accepted Sam’s offer.

  “Is this man the only suspect?” I asked the twins. (Should I call them twins? I wondered. It was more accurate to think of them as two-thirds of triplets. Nah. Too complicated.)

  “No, we have another man in the kitchen,” Claude said.